note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
