Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
