I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
