when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
