I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
