3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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