if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize