"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
