Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
