my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
