its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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