and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
