Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
