Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
