i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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