When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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