Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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