Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
