Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
