Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
