Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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