Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
