For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just invented taco cereal.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You made out with two different species that night
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
