watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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