nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize