We named our party play list daddy issues
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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