you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
so much tequila, so little girl.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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