I can text with my tongue
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
