i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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