remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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