rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize