So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
