I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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