Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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