You can't motorboat a personality
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
