I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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