I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I have post one night stand depression
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
