just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
