Will you blow on my dice?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize