i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
