All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
where are you?
Hypothermia
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
