Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
