Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
