my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
