I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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