We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
