You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
