I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
