i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
