I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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