shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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