I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
