It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
