If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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