Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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