How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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