Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
