your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
