Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
