the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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