Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
