dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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