no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
