True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
MIDGETS
????
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize