no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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