new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
