Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
