You made me cry and you don't even care
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
