I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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