Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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