then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
it was like eating out sand paper
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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