Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
