i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
