I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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