Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
