You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
